Saturday, February 6, 2010

FUCK I hate this world!

I am writing just because I feel like bitching about life and pushing buttons at the same time. No one on earth will ever read this because, honestly, I'm no one special and........who gives a fuck! Just sick of life! Even sicker than normal. Recent events that have transpired in my pathetic existence have made more bitter and pissed off than I was already. NO JOB. Since about...............well, 6 or 7 months ago! I'm not that lazy1 I have been searching. EVERYWHERE. I even started at the absolute bottom of the food chain with places like McDonalds and Long Johns and BK. They don't even call me. Just the other day I had an interview at McDonalds. I was pretty happy as I was sure I'd get the job. My daughter was extremely sick and we put off the ER until after the interview. I go there and the woman sits down with and me and proceeds to inform me that,"We're not really hiring at the moment, I'm just meeting with applicants and getting ready for the spring rush". "Then why the fuck did u make me waste my time and gas to come all the way out to this shit hole", I thought! I know that she only made up that bullshit story after she saw me and my horribly offensive tattoo of a bunny on my upper region. Fucking dumb cunt! Then at the end she tried to give me tips on filling out applications. I hope you 're standing right in frobt of the next frier that decides to explode. You fucking dinosaur. Fucking DIE already........GOD! our taking up all the Mcee Dees jobs!
Today we needed to kill a bit of time so we stopped at GoodWill and fucked around for awhile. I just realized it but this place is fucking WRONG. How the fuck can you sell shit (emphasis on SHIT) that you got for free? And sell it for a LOT at that? Fuck ppl bring you their garbage and you sell it back to them and call yourself GOODWILL? I don't see any good will happening here! This thought came about when I saw a pretty decent chair that would have looked great in my living room. It wasnt brand new but it didn't reek of feces either, so I was interested in it. There was no price tag on it so I asked the next employee that I saw if she knew how much it costs. "I'll go check but it's probably expensive because its brand new." OK cool, I'm thinking $25.00. She came back and informed me that it was $80.00. Are you fucking serious. Some random fuck dumped this thing behind your roach infested store in a rain storm. You picked it up and want to sell it to me for $80.00? Get Fucked GoodWill! Do the world some Good and shut down your fucking government subsidized scam........! FUCK Ihate this world....
OH Well? : )

Friday, January 15, 2010


She is love - She is the One. From black to blue - Dreams are now true! She is the stars the moon and sun. Forever and always. The only one.
So that was a feeble attempt at Hallmark Card Poetry. I hope you liked it. I just want you to know how happy I am. I have never felt so complete in all of my life! Everything has always been scattered and torn, and lost and scorned! Now is the happiest I've ever been. And it's all because of you......... Thank You Angel...........For being You.!!!

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Thursday, November 26, 2009


I am No One, Nothing and No where. Not made to survive in these conditions. The current human social structure is too demanding for my sustenence. I am not a drone, not a slave and cannot exist in a hive structure. Socially speaking, in todays terms I am No one, nothing. I have no material possesions to prove my successes. I have no outstanding or even exceptional social standing that demands respect from anyone. I'm not even an average good person. So flawed in too many ways to describe. I cannot function “normally”. I can't hold a job or abide by any routine daily. I don't care about money or status. If left alone with no one I would live like a nomad and simply travel and document my thoughts, leaving them behind for anyone interested in reading them. I love to create but can never finish anything. My mind never stops. Endless strings of thoughts and ideas create states of being not conducive to modern living. I think far too much and feel the need to shut off my brain frequently to appear like a normal person. My body aches and I think that my threshold for pain is exremely high, and any normal person forced to live in this physical condition would just collapse in pain. But I am so used to it that it is my norm. But I also feel the need to shut this off frequently. Which results in addictive behavior. I would much rather feel completely numb all the time, mentally and physically. Heroin eases everything and cures anything. I'm a junky. This does not sit well with society either. A malcontent, I feel like I exist in the wrong time-period. Like I would be better suited in another time where my behavior would be more acceptable. Which time period that is, Idk. I try to adapt by getting a job, or going to school, but nothing ever lasts. I build up material poseesions that make it appear as if Im doing well. I'll have a car and a job, but the cycle continues and ends the same way everytime. With me having nothing. Having lost it all and having to start all over again from the absolute bottom. And right now I feel that I am tired of this endless cycle and do not wish to continue it. I dont want to die or kill myself. Although this self-loathing and inferior mind state that I;ve been trapped in for so long tells me that that would not be such a bad idea. I dont want that. I would much rather find my calling and some how be successful in this life, on this earth where Im trapped. I make music and write. Perhaps I could gain monetery advantage using these. But motivation is another factor. I will continue this later and hope that I will have something positive to report soon.


Later today.

Trying desperately to make my empty dirty hovel feel like a home rather than a squat house. Trying to accept the bottom for what it truly is and begin at the absolute beginning. Why am I here?

The oldest question known to man. No more means of escape. Literally. Take on an interest in whats important , finally. Only now that I am forced to by circumstance. Like the Tao told me. Misfortune may be fortune in disguise and vice-versa. My current path was leading me head first into the ground. Ut circumstances are forcing me to change my ways. For the better. Contemplating life and love and death and re-birth. Endless circles of meandering thoughts ultimately leading no where. The cycle has stopped.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


We all die alone
The end of the world happens 56000 x a die
Well, those were the stats lest time I checked.
Stop consuming long enough to end something
So you may then Begin.
I think you should try breathing under water
I hear its invigorating.
You'll look much better at the end of the world.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Seriously Broke

I'm sure you all do too.
My head hurts from constantly trying to devise new ways to get paid.
The 9-5 never ever works out for me. I can't stand doing the same thing over and over day in and day out, especially when the one thing that I do everyday is something I can't stand doing!
I've discovered a few methods and techniques but the bills remain. UNPAID
I'm confident that I'll find a way to make a decent living soon. With all the energy I put forth in just thoughts alone I almost expect a stack of cash to just appear before me any day now.
Highly unlikely.............but I'm sure an oppurtunity will appear.
So if you need me I'll be here .....................broke and searching.......

Thursday, August 13, 2009


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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

this is a test from the phone to the Blog if it works its so Fucking 0n!